of wings and calamities...

Be merciful unto me, O God,
         be merciful unto me:
   for my soul trusteth in thee:
   yea, in the shadow of thy wings
         will I make my refuge,
   until these calamities be overpast.


                               ~ Psalm 57:1

Some thoughts as I've taken great comfort in these words lately:

First, a prayer: mercy. I love that I can pray along with David for mercy. I love that God instructs us how to address him, that he is both the source and the object of our prayer. And that he uses David to reveal that it is not selfish or pathetic or weak of us to seek mercy.

Second, the reason I can make the petition: my soul trusteth in thee. I will look only to God for mercy, because he is the only object worthy of my trust. My only rock. The one who keeps me steadfast. I can only cry out for mercy because I have already hurled my soul headlong, confident of his trustworthiness in catching me.

Third, the place to find mercy: in the shadow of his wings. I love that picture! According to David, the shadow of his wings is the place I MAKE my refuge. It isn't a place I happen upon, or a place I may or may not find. It is the place where I have chosen to let my soul find quiet rest. It is the place where I have firmly planted myself, for the reason of trust and for the purpose of finding mercy. What rest I find in the midst of the storm when I have purposed to hide myself in the shadow of his wings!

Finally, the promise of relief. Someday, these calamities will be overpast. And there is mercy there. And comfort there. And peace HERE. Because in the midst of the calamity he provides shelter, while at the same time promising ultimate deliverance.

What comfort, what peace is found, when we hide ourselves in the shadow of God's wings, knowing that calamity will pass and mercy will prevail.

planting of the LORD...

I have a giant flowering crab tree behind my deck. Most of the year it looks like this:

Not a very good picture, since I had to dig it out of a long-forgotten digital album of random pictures. But you can see why my husband hates it. It is overgrown, thick, unruly, and just plain ugly for at least two seasons.

But in my opinion, all that ugliness is worth it. Because in May of every year, this is what happens:

And if smell-o-vision were available, you'd be able to sit in your living room and drink in the heady fragrance of spring and beauty and promise and sweetness.

This tree reminds me of the work God does in us through Christ. We look in the mirror and see our ugliness, our unrighteousness, our overgrown parts that need pruning. We see twistedness and tangled messes. And we see correctly. Because apart from Christ we are all those things. But in the spring of salvation, God clothes us with the righteousness of Christ, and brings beauty. Not just a little spot of pretty. Not just a dab of color. But he causes our ugliness to burst forth into radiance and sweet smelling incense. He takes the pile of sticks that we have to offer and turns them into flower-laden boughs.

So this tree, this ugly, twisted tree, brings me back to the cross every time I look out my kitchen window. Truly. As I bake bread in autumn, and look at the tree as the crabs are falling off of it and littering my patio, I am reminded that all we have to offer to God is shriveled up pathetic little sour crabs. But I know that

         I am the vine, ye are the branches. 

He that abideth in me, and I in him, 

                         the same bringeth forth much fruit:

for apart from me ye can do nothing.

~ John 15:5

As I do dishes, and look at that tree in the dead of winter, I am reminded of my sin and its ugliness. But I know, as I look at that twisted mess, that

Blessed is the man that trusteth in the LORD, 

                            and whose hope the LORD is.

                     For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters,

                                 and that spreadeth out her roots by the river,

                                              and shall not see  when heat cometh,

but her leaf shall be green;

                                                and shall not be careful in the year of drought,

                         neither shall cease from yielding fruit.

~ Jeremiah 17:7-8

And now it's here. Beautiful spring. And as my flowering crab bursts into bloom, and fills my kitchen with a pink glow as the light filters through it, I revel in the work that Christ has done on the cross for me. I am so thankful that he is able to

give unto them beauty for ashes,

                           the oil of joy for mourning,

the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;

                          that they might be called trees of righteousness,

the planting of the LORD,

     THAT HE MIGHT BE GLORIFIED.

~ Isaiah 61:3

it's gardening time...

While I have been pondering a really good post...it hasn't come together in my head yet. But it will be awesome when it does!

In the meantime, here's where I've been doing my deep thinking:

Built a new garden...

Mostly to hide the hideous well head awkwardly placed in our yard. 

And utilitarian has become beautiful!

Todd and I hauled the rocks out of the hill next to our property, and I pulled up all the sod and roots, brought in lots of soil, peat moss, and mulch...

Transplanted some hostas from another garden bed, and found those pretty fiddleheads in the forest.

Hens and chicks, freshly watered...

Some blooming heather for some winter and early spring color...

Our "found" art...discovered on a day spent roaming the small towns around Edmonton, AB. It reminded us of home, and now it's at home here in Nova Scotia. Yep, we've been around!

Promise of new growth and years of blooms on my new hydrangea.

There's something about fiddleheads that sings "spring" to me!

Looking forward to seeing the flowers and grasses come up and fill out this quiet place...

quiet.

that's funny.

who am I kidding? there's no quiet here!

but I can dream.

in my garden.

what to do, what to do...

I've been wanting for a very long time to start a consistent list of chores for the kids to do. Teach them responsibility, give them concrete ways of contributing to the household. And give me opportunities to reward them for exceptional performance. I've looked online for printables, read dozens of other peoples' charts, and haven't found one that worked for me. So I was relying on good old paper and pencil. But then within a couple of weeks the paper would get lost, my memory would fail, and all the hard work (aka: self-discipline) quickly went by the wayside. Then three or four weeks later, I'd pull out a fresh sheet of paper and start over.

This week I finally buckled down and just did it. Made my own chart. Got to tickle my nerdy uber-anal squares-and-lines funny bone. :) Here's what my kids are up to every week until school is out:

Still have to come up with a consistent rewards program. Whether it's an allowance for consistent happy performance, or some other "deposit" that can be saved up and traded in for good stuff, or some other less concrete/more abstract system. But at least this is a start!

I must add that Nora took it upon herself to add my name to the bottom of the last handmade chart I had made. Mondays it was my job to "CLeN up BAC YORD", Tuesday I was to spend in the "LONgery ruM" (think grade 1 phonetics), and Wednesdays I was to "CLeN up LuNch." My first reaction was to be offended...she obviously has no idea how much work I do around here! But then I realized that she probably just thought it wasn't fair that all the kids had jobs to do, and mommy's name wasn't on the list with her own set of jobs. If she only knew! :)

spring is coming...

Because we're holding out hope that spring will actually come someday...we had fun putting these little treats together yesterday!

New Life Nests

1/4 cup butter

1 250g pkg large marshmallows

6 cups corn flake cereal

mini egg candies

- grease muffin tins

- heat butter and marshmallows in a large pot over medium heat, just until melted, stirring constantly

- stir in corn flake cereal until well coated

- scoop into muffin tins, pressing down, and up the sides to create a nest

- chill until firm (about 30 minutes) and fill nests with egg candies

Enjoy this sweet way to celebrate the hope of new life - in Christ and in nature!

some family shots...

Craig...almost five months old!

My sweet happy chunky monkey

Claire and Colin all ready for church

Nora on Resurrection Day

Hey there good lookin'

Claire's sweetness shining through

Emmett's new quiet time hangout spot

In quietness and confidence...

While I started this blog two weeks ago with lightheartedness, choosing to call it Sweet Messengers, and writing down the inspiration for that name, the hymn "More Love to Thee," and claiming to be looking for grace in unlikely places, I knew that it would not be long before I would need to eat my own words. Which is part of why I started blogging. So here we are, two weeks later, and once again I am reduced to tears and am required to throw myself wholly upon the grace of God for sustenance.

The last four years have been years of loss. Over and over and over again. Loss of physical capabilities with a severed tendon and surgery and two difficult pregnancies; loss of dreams and dignity through slander and persecution in the workplace; eventual loss of employment due to the workplace issues and Todd's insistence on applying the very hard words of Christ in relation to our enemies (check out Matthew 5:38-48...easy to read, immensely painful to do); loss of all things comfortable and familiar as we left behind our lives and moved across the country to a new job and home; loss of a sweet baby boy at 12 weeks gestation; loss of our basement to a flood; loss of two vehicles through accidents; and now this week, our bathroom has literally fallen apart, and one of our (new) vehicles has been rendered undriveable and needing repairs that will cost more than the value of the car. The losses have been staggering, and this list is not exhaustive. The timeline of calamity has accelerated, from once every couple of years, to several times a year, to where we are now: just about every six weeks, we are hit with a new blow. Seriously, around the five week mark, just as things are getting back to "normal," I start inwardly wondering what the next thing is going to be. We have reached the point of crying out with Job:

I will say unto God, Do not condemn me;

shew me wherefore thou contendest with me.

Is it good unto thee that thou shouldest oppress, 

that thou shouldest despise the work of thine hands, 

and shine upon the counsel of the wicked? 

Hast thou eyes of flesh? or seest thou as man seest? 

Are thy days as the days of man? 

are thy years as man's days, that thou inquirest after mine iniquity, 

and searchest after my sin? 

Thou knowest that I am not wicked; and there is none that can deliver out of thine hand. 

Thine hands have made me and fashioned me together round about; 

yet thou dost destroy me...

And these things hast thou hid in thine heart: 

I know that this is with thee. 

I am full of confusion;

therefore see thou mine affliction; for it increaseth.

~ Job 10:2-8,13,16

Yes, this is where we are. Full of confusion. Wondering if the affliction has any end of increase.

And then we come to this:

Though he slay me, 


yet will I trust in him: 

but I will maintain mine own ways before him.

He also shall be my salvation. 

~ Job 13:15-16

And this:

But he knoweth the way that I take; 

when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold. 

My foot hath held his steps, his way have I kept, and not declined. 

Neither have I gone back from the commandment of his lips; 

I have esteemed the words of his mouth more than my necessary food. 

~ Job 23:10-12

This is our only comfort:

      His mercies have proven new every morning. 


                  Because of his great love we have not been consumed. 


          His power has been made manifest in his provision. 


                                   His grace has carried us.


                                                 His power has sustained us. 

So as we face yet another loss, and wonder
           
              where...
                                      and how...
                                                               and when...
                                                                                         and why...?

I KNOW that we can sing with David:

I will love thee, O LORD, my strength.

The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer;

my God, my strength, in whom I will trust;

my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.

I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised!

He sent from above, he took me, he drew me out of many waters.

He delivered me from my strong enemy, and from them which hated me: 

for they were too strong for me.

They prevented me in the day of my calamity:

but the LORD was my stay.

He brought me forth also into a large place;

he delivered me, because he delighted in me.

As for God, his way is perfect: 

the word of the LORD is tried:

he is a buckler to all those that trust in him.

For who is God save our LORD? 

or who is a rock save our God?

It is God that girdeth me with strength, and maketh my way perfect.

He maketh my feet like hinds' feet,

and setteth me upon my high places.

~ Psalm 18:1-4,16-20,30-33

So will you watch and wait with me as we cast ourselves completely upon the provision of our great Provider? As we stand with expectancy before His throne of grace? As we wait with quietness and confidence to see His great deliverance? For 

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, 

whose mind is stayed on thee: 

because he trusteth in thee. 

Trust ye in the LORD forever: 

for in the LORD JEHOVAH is everlasting strength.

~ Isaiah 26:3